Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Rest Of the Story

Okay, so now I can say that I have been inches from tears for the past week.

It does no good to tell me that the worst part of this whole treatment thing is behind me.

Lying on a very narrow (very hard) board with only about a 2" thick pad under my knees, right arm extended over my head, elbow crooked, and hand grasping a grip (as much for balance I think as to keep tissue out of the way), left hand in my pocket (and so, not available for balance) left elbow down and out of the way was the physical part.

The emotional part (lying bare chested with lord knows how many people--I counted at least 4 voices; my eyes were closed) was worse. I do not like to be touched by strangers. (I'm not so crazy about being touched by people I know, either--let me just say that the hugging part of AA was brutal!)

I didn't realize the toll it had taken until it was time to leave.

Attempting to maintain dignity, while clutching the back of the hospital gown, grabbing my "stuff" from my "locker," I dropped most of it on the floor. After I scooped it up, I retreated to the changing room and just wanted to sit there in the dark and cry.

I made it to my car, got out of the parking deck in one piece and arrived home. A hot shower helped a little, but I get to "rinse and repeat" thirty-three more times.

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// posted by Ann @ 9/12/2009 04:45:00 PM
Comments:
How about a virtual hug? My heart goes out to you. Do you have someone who can go to these sessions with you, as a medical partner, to help keep track of instructions and to ask questions so you can be free to attend to yourself? I'm holding you in my thoughts.
# posted by Blogger bittenbyknittin : 7:16 PM
 
*gentle hugs* I'm sorry you are having to go through this crud.
# posted by Blogger Becky in Iowa :O) : 8:53 PM
 
I'm sorry, Ann; doesn't sound like fun at all. Hopefully they'll be over fast, and there'll be NO MORE of that!
# posted by Anonymous Beth in MN : 9:37 PM
 
Your words about how you were lying down and on what made my back ache in sympathy. (A car accident years ago means I cannot lie on my back without pain - especially with legs straight.) I would have cried in the changing room.
A thought: during the process it might help to think of something else.
Plan knitting projects! And do some virtual knitting. (You cannot "pick up" a dropped needle, so it is best to use virtual circs.)
Start simply and virtually knit dishcloths for each of the voices you hear.

Janey
janeyknitting(AT)yahoo(DOT)ca
- change bracketed caps to symbols
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 10:49 PM
 
My Mom's doctor prescribed a mild anti-anxiety medication to take before her sessions. Perhaps that may help you a bit?

Gentle, virtual hugs for you. No touching involved! ((((Ann))))
# posted by Blogger Kathleen : 1:11 AM
 
Ann, I'm just catching up and I'm sending healing thoughts your way.
# posted by Blogger Hockey Mom : 11:03 AM
 
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