Friday, July 11, 2008

Two Inches, Who Woulda Thunk?

Get your collective minds Out Of the Gutter! Now!

A couple of months ago, we replaced our geriatric king-size water bed with a new mattress and box spring. I won't even go into the difference between 18" off the floor and, what, 30?; that is significant unto itself and fodder for a blog entry somewhere down the road.

No, the two inches I'm talking about are the 78 X 80 dimensions of a king-size bed. It's 78 inches wide (side to side) and 80 inches long (head to foot).

The salesman told us (uh, oh, here it comes) that since it's a pillow-top (with a big cushy built-in pad) that it shouldn't be turned over (I sort of figured taht out on my own, but rather sort of twisted 90 degrees each month or so (WTF? the mattress we had before the water bed was foam and it didn't get turned at all, ditto the water bed except for the occasional shift of the tubes because we were acquiring gullies). Clearly, we were entering uncharted waters.

Okay, I'm all for following instructions, so the last time I changed the sheets, I dutifully turned the damned thing so that the sides were now at the head and foot (and the stripes on the sheets ran horizontal on the bottom one and vertical on the top one). Then we spent the next week or more with our toes hanging off the end of the mattress. Two Freakin' Inches! Did I mention that there was an overhang on the sides and a little ledge at the foot?

In upcoming episodes, read: Why the Mattress Will Never Again Be Shifted 90 Degrees, How the Cat Copes With an Extra 12" Leap, How the Humans Cope With a Tall Bed. Why There Isn't More Room Under the Bed? and other interesting slices of life.

Next Episode: Actual Knitting!


Maybe salesman flunked 4th grade math and meant 180 degrees? Roberta (not anonymous)
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